end of year reflections

Here we are, only 14 1/2 hours away from the end of 2008, a year of incredible highs and incredible lows, both personally and on a larger scale.

The big decision I made in 2008 was that I want to go to law school. I've been putting off going for further schooling for years now, and I think it was a good idea. If I had decided to go to grad school a few years ago, I'd be a teacher today, or have a Master's in some obscure gibberish like Medieval Literature or Poststructuralist Criticism, both fine disciplines in their own right, but I never felt "the call" to study those things. I decided I want to devote the rest of my life to public service. Maybe it comes from working in philanthropy, seeing that when rich people want to do good, they plunk down some money for a scholarship, and wanting to be able to contribute in my own way. Well, I know I'll never be rich, but I wanted to feel like I was pulling my weight at a citizen, so it's off to law school and then off to the public defender's office for a few years. With any luck, I'll end up doing this in Philly, but if I end up staying in Boston, I can live with that.

In 2008, I rid myself of an awful friend. I'm not going to bother naming him, but he was a selfish, whiny, misanthrope who exists solely to spread misery and disgust to all in his path. He's gone now, out of my life, and I'm better for it. I'm no longer willing to tolerate shitty friends. The friends I still have, and they know who they are, are everything to me. They enhance my life and make me a better person. This unnamed friend did none of that, and I'm glad he'll never darken my doorway again.

In 2008, I also got out of a broken relationship. Of course, I was never willing to acknowledge that it was broken, but it was. I learned that devoting one's life and love to an insecure neurotic with parental abandonment issues will sap you of your joie de vivre and turn you into a barely functional, co-dependent pothead. To be fair, I was a pothead before I met her, but became more so in order to try to learn to be content living with and trying to love someone who would eventually cheat on me, take my dog, ruin my living situation and generally fuck my life up. Why did I stick around for so long? Because being loved, and being in love feels good. It feels really good. It feels so good that you're willing to overlook important things, like a glaring intellectual incompatibility. She's beautiful, I'll give her that. But when it comes to brains, I sure did settle this time. Live and learn, I suppose. In 2009, I resolve to keep my heart better guarded and not lower my standards just to be in love again.

Also, Barack Obama will be president in 20 days. This makes me happy to no end. The poor son of a bitch has his work cut out for him over the next 4 years, but I feel like the man's character will help to elevate the political discourse of this country beyond right vs. left and blue vs. red. I have a feeling that Americans may start actually taking an interest in their communities, and the foundations of those communities, inspired by the example set by the president. I feel like the government might realize that investing in social infrastructure, like social workers and community organizers, is preferable to punishing for life those whom society has failed. Maybe his administration will realize that teaching children how to survive in a global marketplace, as opposed to teaching them how to take standardized tests, is the only way America will ever stay competitive on a global scale. I have such high hopes for this administration that I can't help but expect disappointment. If there's one thing idealistic-sounding Democrats are good at, it's disappointing their supporters. Remember "don't ask, don't tell?" Remember how Bill Clinton promised universal health care? Needless to say, the achievements of the last Democratic president don't leave me with much hope. Then again, the Dems control both houses of Congress with a commanding majority, and the GOP is on the fast track to irrelevance. I'm just excited to see what's to come. I've been saying that Obama will either be the next FDR or the next Jimmy Carter. He will either fail or succeed, but whichever he does, he's going to do it in spectacular fashion. I have faith that he's gonna pull it off, but I also know it won't be easy.

Anyway, 2008 is almost over. I'm glad to see it in the rear-view mirror. My hope is that 2009 will be a year of growth, good friends, and the beginning of a wonderful life in public service. I think we can all drink to that.

musings

I missed my family. I never realized it until I walked through the door of their Bethlehem Victorian house this Christmas eve, but there was this palpable feeling of contentment as I walked through the door.

They know about my relationship situation (I don't feel like going into detail here, so I'll sum up: she cheated on me, lied, tried to make me feel like it was my fault, lied some more, and now we're broken up), and were very comforting the entire time I was home.

It was easily the best Christmas I've ever had back in the Lehigh Valley. For once, leaving the Valley and going back to Boston actually kind of depressed me. I feel like my life in this city is pretty much over. Greg is gone (former roommate and former friend, and yet another story I don't feel like detailing right now). Kat is in the process of leaving, and she's taking the dog with her. I still have a lot of good friends here, but lately it feels like my job is the only thing keeping me here. If I get into either Temple or Drexel law, I'm gone. If I end up only getting into Suffolk or NESL, I guess I'll stay in Boston until I get my JD. But right now, I think I just need a change of scenery more than anything. I don't need to forget any of what's happened. I just need to learn from it and move on.

Philly is kind of a mess right now, but I want to go into public service to get my hands dirty. If there's any city where my help is more needed than anywhere else, it's in Philly. It's going to take idealists, intellectuals and a few hard workers to help make that city better, but I think it can be done. There is a certain "we're all in it together" feeling in Philly that is unlike other East Coast cities (at least from my experience, and the second-hand stories from friends). If I really want to work somewhere where my work will be both in need, and personally rewarding, I think Philly is where I am needed. And it's where I want to be.

Thanks to Shannon, Brett and Will for reminding me why I love the place so much. You guys make it easier for me to want to call it home.

money

I consider myself a pretty bright guy. I'll never build a particle accelerator or design a spaceship, but I can at least consider myself to be above average. So, why don't I understand how money works. I know that I need it to pay rent, and buy booze, food and lottery tickets, but I just don't get where the hell it comes from. I just don't. I could more easily learn to speak Russian than ever be fluent in how the hell the economy functions.

So, where the fuck, in what I've been told are hard economic times, do we get a trillion dollars for "economic stimulus"? Right now, the liberals (allegedly, my people) are trying too hard to live up to their "tax and spend" reputation. Are they trying to counteract 8 years of ridiculous Republican extremism with ridiculous Democratic extremism? It's not going to work.

My letter to my Representative

Dear Congressman Capuano,

I am writing to voice my concern with this upcoming, and now seemingly inevitable, auto industry bailout. I think this is an awful idea. These companies are bilking the American people, almost to the level of extortion, because the American people didn't want to spend their money on GM and Chrysler's atavistic fleet of gas-guzzling monsters. Now, to top it off, I find out that Chrysler is 80% owned by Cerberus, a company whose stake in Chrysler is only 7% of their total asset holdings. You're telling me that my money should go to help a shady company like Cerberus make sure it doesn't lose money on its myopic and idiotic investment in a failing company?

Mr Capuano, I am as liberal as they come. In general, I have no problem approving the use of my tax dollars for programs that will genuinely help the American people. This is a mockery of liberal principles, and the kind of decision that gives credibility to the argument that a liberal government will waste the taxpayers' money at any given opportunity. Please, be among the voices of reason in this debate and don't be fooled by the dog and pony show being peddled by these auto industry scumbags whose short-sightedness and lack of competent management skills doomed their companies to failure. I can't find a record of your vote on this bill, but I hope you were able to do the right thing.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Eli Ashley Reusch
Brighton, MA